13.1

I used to enjoy running. Back in elementary school, I used to take pleasure in running laps in PE, just to have the chance to win at something. I was the fastest girl and there were three boys who would consistently beat me (and yes, I still remember their names). I remember not necessarily loving to run, but I do remember loving the chance to prove myself. In the height of fifth-grade competition, I wrote a poem about running in my journal. I didn’t think anything of it. My sister found it and submitted it to a poetry contest, of which I ended up winning and getting published in a young poet's book. I bought the book and moved on.

Yesterday I ran my first half marathon. I’ve gotten back into running since COVID started and I’ve hated every minute of it. Only within the past month or so, I have been lucky enough to experience the runner’s high. This state reminds me of my meditation practice. These moments have brought me back to the experience of running in elementary school. The opportunity for external processing and physiological meditation is something I’ve always been after. To find those unique moments where everything aligns and makes sense. It’s all simple.

I hit a wall at mile 11 on the course. The ache in my outer hips and pain in my right foot was brutal. My goal was to finish and not stop running. Every step during that mile was agony. But I kept going because my mind, breath, and soul were immersed in clarity and transcendence. I felt connected to each cheerer and each runner in it beside me. I ran past my family and felt pride, determination, and love. This feeling of connectedness and unity exceeded the physical pain in my body. The pain in my body, the treachery of my thoughts, and the labored breathing were all outweighed by something greater. And I remembered on the course that this experience was captured in a poem that I wrote when I was eleven.

I wonder how many times throughout the duration of life we are granted the opportunity to relearn a lesson. When the memory of a lesson fades from the mind, body, or spirit, the universe seems to meticulously place an obstacle in our path to reteach us. In mile 11, I felt like my eleven-year-old self again. Hating the physical act of running, but loved what it was leading into and leading me towards. I’m not sure I can articulate what the thing is that I’m moving towards. But what I can elaborate on is the concept of physical and mental discipline marking the path towards spiritual awakening.

The half marathon was a smashing success in the sense that I completed my goals to finish and to run the entirety. The experience also reminded me of my magical inner resources to persevere and push myself. Most importantly, the race taught me the importance of relearning the universal experiences of love, connection, unity, and transcendence. Hopefully, another race is in the near future to help me further emphasize these significant spiritual teachings.